Out on Paper

Hi! I haven’t been doing any updates and to clarify on my previous post, the domain would still be the same. However, I will be transferring hosts next month but I don’t know when yet. I will do that once my mapping expires here and I have time to work on it.

But worry not! I will be here. Blogging is a lifestyle that I am not yet prepared to give up. I now realize that I like writing regardless if no one reads my posts. My first 5 months as a blogger nobody reads my posts, I write because I want to have something out there, an outlet for my ideas. And this, I do today.

I have been writing a lot in paper. I have been sending postcards through postcrossing. And I am happy so far. I have received postcards, I really like the ones from Finland. They have stamps that apparently have Braille on it. Cool.  The dorky stamp collector from High School is back.

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No later than the seventh of next month, my site will be down… I will be changing webhosts and I am tired of writing, in a way. I think when I started working, I have been dreadfully dull.

I was looking at my monthly stats for 2008.

These are my site hits:

Jan – 557 | February 1067 | March 1,128 | April 849 | May 682 | June  606 | Juy 459 | August 254

January was the time I quit my last job, and from February to March (i got a lot of hits), I have been getting a lot of hits and when I started work again on April, the trend of people visitors to this site has been downward. With the stats above; I therefore conclude that work makes me boring as a blogger.

So while I search for my writing muse, I will not worry about writing. Heck! I will begone.

Serial killer, books and god-knows-what

So, I was able to finish Dexter Season One… and I have to say, I can relate to the guy. It’s eerie, I should really be alarmed and I am not saying that because I am one of those creepy losers who want to empathize with a cool TV figure but I do. Like there are episodes about how Dexter has a hard time relating to his friends about sex and how to properly behave in funerals.

I don’t read as much as I used to but my life has been very booksy. I don’t thing there’s really a word like booksy. But that is my life. I go home and read a book and little television. It’s all work, sleep and a book. And I am taking a long time to finish a book and I got two new books as presents from meowy for our fourth month as lovers. I like using the word lovers, it sounds so mature! So many books to finish so little time.

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Japanese retail therapy

I have been lonely recently. I went to the mall yesterday and spent my money. Retail therapy works for me, until of course I run out of money. Japan sure makes me very happy.
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Mooching around

I decided to retract my resignation. I don’t know… maybe I am beginning to have some kind of attachment to my coworkers… err.. uh… HAHAHAHA!

Nuff said.

I will just wait and see what happens.

I feel like my world’s beginning to grow smaller. Real small.

I bought this shirt, it’s grey and it has this white prints of flowers and leaves. I am not really into shirts with these kinds of design. But somehow, I liked how it looked in the mall.

Then, I wore it. I think the design is overwhelming. Every movement I make seem to make the design move. I know it’s just me, I may be going crazy. I wore a  jacket, so as not to distract myself from the design that I think is jumping off places. I need to take medication, methinks.

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Memories of Mirrors

At home, in my room, the curtains are drawn down like it always was. I was using my cellphone and sunlight struck and from a different angle I saw the reflection of the light as it struck the other part of the room. A small patch of light in the shadows of the room. This reminds me of my childhood.

I don’t know if kids these days play with mirrors anymore. I remember a time when I was given a small round mirror, maybe it’s about two or three inches wide. I would play with the light from the sun. I will face a wall outside and spend a long time playing with my mirror. All alone, I would do that, I will play with that small patch of light and move it across the shadowed wall.

I will be staying at work until the 30th. While my parents support all major decisions that I make. they will not approve of my hasty resignation. I haven’t told them yet. I don’t know what I will do with my life right now. The more I think the more confused I get. I am not happy, I tried to but I just can’t condition myself to be happy. Not with this job.

We used to have this old neighbor. I remember she’s a bit crabby when I was a kid, now I have endearing memories of her. We were scold not to play with our mirrors. She’s nice and all, she just doesn’t like kids playing with mirrors. Thinking about it now, it must be annoying to se a kid flashing bright light against your house.

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Of being a Troglodyte and having a woman

I am not sure. Just when I thought that I have halted the continuous decline of my mind, I think I am getting more brain-dead than I could ever be. Hahaha!

I am trying to read books but I think my Attention Deficit Disorder has gotten worse. I keep on reading and nothing registers in my brain. I was able to read the Jostein Gaarder book my girlfriend has been wanting me to read and I feel guilty I did not appreciate the book. It’s the agnostic in me, my biases keeps on bugging me everytime Ariel keeps on talking about God. Through a Glass, Darkly is nice, if you are unlike me.

At least her other recommendation, Einstein’s Cosmos is more readable. I still haven’t gone past the third chapter.

I have been looking at my drafts, and I found some excerpts of of things I have never posted. This was written last March during my times of unemployment and loneliness:

I had some relationships that fizzled even before it started. That, I know is my fault. Me and my emotional detachment. I’d like to change that now by trying to be… that word * I guess I should learn to say I love you to people. Let’s think of my friends: there’s Allan who’s dead, Aiza who is abroad, Ella – I wonder where you are, Oliver who turned mercantilistic after a gender identity crisis, my college friends who are too busy, and my former co-workers who I don’t want to talk to right now because I don’t want to look like a defeated dog. And then there’s Maki who I have perfect friendship with but he’s a dog.


I guess I can be a whiner sometimes. But that was a different time when I was more messed up. Messed up but at least I was lucid back then. But I still think I could never be affectionate, it makes my skin crawl, my blood curdle, my hair rise on end… and so on…

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A Blog by jeeper

Just read along. These are opinions and adventures (or the lack of it) of a misguided Filipino struggling to make the most and make sense of his meaningless and boring existence.
January 2019
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